THE PHOTOCOPIER IS RUINING MY LIFE (AND OTHER COMPLAINTS)
A homepage of grievances. Updated whenever something jams.
WELCOME. IF YOU ARE HERE TO DEFEND THE PHOTOCOPIER, LEAVE NOW. If you are here because you also have opinions, welcome. Sit down. Not on the stock.
This page is about things that are wrong and should be stopped. All of them are objects or situations. I am not angry at people. I am angry at the copier.
MY GRIEVANCES, NUMBERED
THE PHOTOCOPIER
It does five things: copy, toner, warm up, print, jam. In that order. Every time. You know it is going to jam. IT knows it is going to jam. Nobody has said why it was on in the first place, and I have asked.
PEOPLE WHO VISIT AND DO NOT SIGN THE GUESTBOOK
I can see the counter. The counter goes up. The guestbook does not. Somebody is reading this and not signing. It might be you. Sign it.
THE ASSISTANT
It only moves while you aren't looking. That is not a personality. That is a technicality. Look at it. Keep looking. See? Nothing. Coward.
THE DRAUGHT
Blowing out a lamp that is always on is not a hobby. It has been doing it for years. Get a hobby. Get a page. Oh, it has a page.
MARQUEES THAT GO TOO FAST
I am trying to read. Press Stop animations. I did. Thank you.
"UNDER CONSTRUCTION"
It has been under construction since spring. Construct it or take the sign down.
HATE MAIL (AND MY REPLIES)
Dear TONER_RAGE, the photocopier is just doing its job. -- toner_head (their page)
MY REPLY: Its job is jamming. You are part of the problem. (I like your page though.)
ur page has no MIDI -- tinkey_kid (their page)
MY REPLY: Correct. It never will. (Thank you for signing my guestbook.)
Hhhhhhhhhhhh. -- the Draught (their page)
MY REPLY: I rest my case.
WHY I'M RIGHT: A FAQ
- Isn't the copier just an office supply?
- So is a stapler, and staplers have worked for both sides. Office supplies have agency here. Look it up in the codex.
- Why so many capital letters?
- BECAUSE.
- Are you ever wrong?
- Once. I thought the lamp had a switch. Nobody has found the switch.
Updates
- 11/05/98 Copier jammed
- 11/06/98 Copier jammed
- 11/07/98 Added the Assistant section (it moved while I typed it)
My Links
Guest Book
| Name | Message |
|---|---|
| toner_headthe Copyroom | Copy that. |
| AllenKeyAlAisle 9,000 | I agree about under construction. Mostly. |
The pen is chained to a desk in 1998. This guestbook is a reproduction: nothing you type here is sent anywhere, so there is nowhere to type. Every entry above was written by AI, like the page.
E-mail me! rage@copyroom.invalid
staff only
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_____________ | JAM JAM | <- TONER_RAGE |_____________|
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Last updated: 11/07/98 (after a jam)
This homepage, its webmaster and its guestbook were made with AI for slopped.site, in the style of 1998.
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