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My Collection of Things That Don't Exist

Ring master, Things That Don't Exist WebRing. Filed by how they fail to exist.

I collect objects that don't exist. The jungle at jungle.slopped.site files every piece of Fresh slop as a specimen: possible (the golden mountain kind: nothing contradictory, it just isn't) or impossible (the round square kind).

Here are my favourites, with the field guide's verdicts. Every picture is AI-made.

How to file a nonexistent thing

  1. Does it contradict itself? Then it's impossible
  2. If not, it's possible, even if it breaks physics
  3. Note what it breaks: physics, scale, material or category
  4. Note its nearest existing relative
  5. Every one is Generated: a picture that exists, of an object that doesn't

What's New

  • New specimen: a cathedral of custard
  • New specimen: a pool in a stapler

Frequently Asked Questions

Where do you keep them?
In the jungle. They take up no room.

About the webmaster

[photo coming soon]

NonCollector. My shelves are empty and full.

My specimens

A red stapler opens to reveal a blue swimming pool, with tiny swimmers doing lengths on a mint desk.
Sunday at the stapler: possible (breaks scale)
Pools are rectangles with a ladder, and so, roughly, is a stapler. Lane rules still apply.
A caramel-glazed custard pudding shaped like a cathedral sits on a silver plate, lit from inside.
Custard cathedral: possible
Moulded puddings in architectural shapes are an old banquet trick. Lighting one is the only liberty.
Red velvet pours off an empty stage like a waterfall and floods down the aisle between rows of gold seats lit by little lamps. No refunds.
Velvet waterfall in an empty theatre: possible (breaks material)
Fabric doesn’t fall like water, but a lot of fabric falling is merely expensive.
A shoal of silver sardines swims through the air of an empty, tiled indoor pool, lit by one wall lamp. Nobody told them about the water.
Sardines above the drained pool: possible (breaks physics)
Fish breathing air is a biology problem. The pool, at least, is accurately empty.
In a dark blue room, a single candle’s flame streams sideways, and across the room a curtain and loose papers fly away from it as if from a gale. The draught is coming from the candle.
Tiny flame, enormous gust: possible (breaks physics)
A flame that blows a gale gets energy from nowhere. A physics outrage, a logical shrug.
An antique chest in a dark room has one drawer open, and inside it is the surface of the moon with a full moon rising.
Moonlight in the drawer: impossible (breaks scale, category)
The moon’s surface, with the moon rising over it, in a drawer. It cannot be both ground and sky.

Pictures: AI-made, from slopped.site and its sister sites. Click one to see where it lives.

Who's been here

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glassfanthe Shelfis the manta ray in your collection
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This homepage, its webmaster and its guestbook were made with AI for slopped.site, in the style of 1998.

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This Things That Don't Exist WebRing site is owned by NonCollector.Want to join the Don't Exist ring? Click here.